Roxane Llanque

Early this December award-winning editor and illustrator Lee Fearnside published another of her fabulous illustrated essay collections: Spark: Celebrities and our Decisive Moments – and I had the great honor of contributing an essay about singer and filmmaker Hayley Kiyoko.

Let’s dive into an overview of the book:

Spark: Celebrities and Our Decisive Moments

I think everyone has been influenced by an celebrity at least once in their lifetime. May that be a singer that has made you feel heard, a poet whose words reached you through time and space, or a TV character you adored, who gave you comfort, only to find out that their actor committed horrible crimes. Through their work and actions these public figures can profoundly influence a private life – and the wonderful essays Lee curated paint a fascinating tapestry of our world and the intersections of public and private.

Each one is lovingly illustrated by the editor herself – when does one get the privilege not only to be published in print but also to be gifted an artwork accompanying your work?

My personal favorites are In Search of Mexicans in Hollywood by Michelle Otero, Shirley Temple – on the complicated business of innocence – by Hermione Flavia, and A Eulogy for Dr. Heathclifford Huxtable from a Cosby Kid by Hakim Bellamy.

I was blown away by the vulnerable and intelligent insights all my fellow authors shared, illuminating various places and social ecosystems of this world. Each of the people these essays focused on now have new dimensions in my head and heart and I do feel their impact, even when they meant nothing to me before. So, speaking of vulnerability, let’s dive into my own contribution:

Girls Like Girls: The Revolutionary Reverie of Hayley Kiyoko

I’m not going to lie; publishing this essay has made me very nervous, simply because it is by far the most intimate thing I have ever sent out there. But I think it was worth my near panic attack, for singer and filmaker Hayley Kiyoko’s influence and artistry is not nearly enough appreaciated in my oppinion. While for a more complete overview of her life you’ll have to read the book, here is Hayley in short: with an early career as a closeted teenage actress in Disney giants like The Wizards of Waverly Place and Lemonade Mouth she got her breakthrough when she came out through her song Girls Like Girls, accompanied by a groundbreaking music video she directed – which may seem trivial to the average straight viewer at first sight, but there is a reason it broke records. Have a look for yourself:

If you are straight, ask yourself: have you ever seen something like this before? A music video of this production quality depicting a teenage summer fairy tale romance – featuring two girls?

It blew up overnight. Generations of queer women up until mine had never seen themselves represented that way; grew up without ever thinking we could have something like this, because something like this was simply not shown when we were teenagers. In my essay I delve into my own painful journey of accepting myself, my star crossed romance in a dreamy US college with a girl who was planets away from the feat; and the liberal overestimation of the tolerance people like us actually get until this day.

I examine Hayley Kiyoko’s directional talents, her deep understanding of American pop folk lore, and what was the recipe to her unique success that earned her the nickname Lesbian Jesus.

But the week after I finished the essay and sent it to Lee, something marvelous happened, one of the most pleasant surprises of 2023 to me: Hayley brought out a novelization of that music video and song so many women and girls adored all over the world… and it became a number one New York bestseller!

Neither the debut author nor her most ardent fans could have seen that coming. And if the timing of my essay on her and her literary success wasn’t eerie enough, now, just shortly after SPARK got published, something was anounced that Kiyoko had been working nine years for: Focus Features will produce her feature film debut, a cinematc adaption of Girls Like Girls.

And when I read that, screamed, and shared it everywhere, for a brief, happy moment, I was the joyful, out, and hopeful teenage girl I never got to be.